Several weeks ago, I made a life altering decision.
Those of you that don't know, I have been aspiring to go into medicine for nearly 10 years. I have a bachelors degree in Biology, and have had PA school on my radar for quite some time now.
I chose to take a gap year after graduation to work in a hospital and also be an assistant coach for the team I played on in college (Indiana State Women's Golf).
As my gap year progressed, I found myself logging many hours into the team without so much as a toe having entered the hospital.
My heart was speaking to me much louder than my head, and I couldn't help but listen.
So I called of my winter internship and applied to a grad school program at Indiana State that I believed would be beneficial to becoming a collegiate golf coach.
It was all on a whim really, but for whatever reason I felt great about my decision. I told all the people that mean the most to me in my life: my mom, my boyfriend, my coach, my sisters...all were gushing with support.
Last night, I spoke with my dad for the first time in several weeks. I wasn't even planning on bringing it up because his life is currently a mess, which is pretty standard. But it did come up and it went something like this...."Dad, I've actually got some pretty big news. I've decided that what I really want to do is become a collegiate golf coach and help develop young athletes into thoughtful, self sustaining people!" ................................... the reason that ellipsis is so long is because there were solely crickets on the other end of the phone call. I ACTUALLY HAD TO ASK IF HE WAS STILL ON THE LINE! When he finally responded he said, "How much research did you do before you made this decision?"
And I'll be damned if I couldn't get his lack of approval out of my head.
I actually had a small freak out today, calling all sorts of hospitals to find another internship at a hospital, thinking that I'd made a terrible mistake.
After a long day of racing thoughts, I decided to take a yoga class tonight. I haven't attended class in several months, but I knew it would be just the trick to calm me down.
The message on the mat today was Tapas. And not the spanish styled cuisine!
Tapas is a Sanskrit word with many interpretations but most literally it means heat. When used as a mantra, it's a reminder to let your strongest passions fill your life so expansively that they burn away the things don't matter (such as the opinions or judgement of others).
It was just the message I needed tonight, and I figured I should share it with the many others that may be struggling with something similar.
You cannot serve the world all that you have to offer it when you are constantly trying to fit into a mold that others have created for you.
Soph xo
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